Nonsense Songs, Stories, Botany, and Alphabets (1871)
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Nonsense Songs, Stories, Botany, and Alphabets is a book by the English author and illustrator Edward Lear (1812–1888). It is a collection of limericks. Each limerick has an accompanying illustration. Both the limericks and the illustrations were created by Lear.
Nonsense Songs, Stories, Botany, and Alphabets was first published in 1871. Numerous other editions have subsequently been published.
The 1894 Boston edition is reproduced below.
Contents
Title Page From 1894 Boston Edition
- The Owl and the Pussy-Cat
- The Duck and the Kangaroo
- The Daddy Long-Legs and the Fly
- The Jumblies
- The Nutcrackers and the Sugar-Tongs
- Calico Pie
- Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow
- The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker, and the Tongs
- The Table And The Chair
- The Story of the Four Little Children Who Went Round The World
- The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple
Title Page From 1894 Boston Edition
Nonsense Songs,
Stories, Botany, and Alphabets.
By Edward Lear.
With One Hundred and Fifty Illustrations.
Boston:
Roberts Brothers.
1894.
Originally published 1871.
Nonsense Songs
The Owl and the Pussy-Cat
I.
The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat:
They took some honey, and plenty of money
Wrapped up in a five-pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
“O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!”
II.
Pussy said to the Owl, “You elegant fowl,
How charmingly sweet you sing!
Oh! let us be married; too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?”
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the bong-tree grows;
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood,
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.
III.
“Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?” Said the Piggy, “I will.”
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.
The Duck and the Kangaroo
I.
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo,
“Good gracious! how you hop
Over the fields, and the water too,
As if you never would stop!
My life is a bore in this nasty pond;
And I long to go out in the world beyond:
I wish I could hop like you,”
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.
II.
“Please give me a ride on your back,”
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo:
“I would sit quite still, and say nothing but ‘Quack’
The whole of the long day through;
And we’d go the Dee, and the Jelly Bo Lee,
Over the land, and over the sea:
Please take me a ride! oh, do!”
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.
III.
Said the Kangaroo to the Duck,
“This requires some little reflection.
Perhaps, on the whole, it might bring me luck;
And there seems but one objection;
Which is, if you’ll let me speak so bold,
Your feet are unpleasantly wet and cold,
And would probably give me the roo-
Matiz,” said the Kangaroo.
IV.
Said the Duck, “As I sate on the rocks,
I have thought over that completely;
And I bought four pairs of worsted socks,
Which fit my web-feet neatly;
And, to keep out the cold, I’ve bought a cloak;
And every day a cigar I’ll smoke;
All to follow my own dear true
Love of a Kangaroo.”
V.
Said the Kangaroo, “I’m ready,
All in the moonlight pale;
But to balance me well, dear Duck, sit steady,
And quite at the end of my tail.”
So away they went with a hop and a bound;
And they hopped the whole world three times round.
And who so happy, oh! who,
As the Duck and the Kangaroo?
The Daddy Long-Legs and the Fly
Blah blah blah
The Jumblies
Blah blah blah
The Nutcrackers and the Sugar-Tongs
Blah blah blah
Calico Pie
Blah blah blah
Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow
Blah blah blah
The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker, and the Tongs
Blah blah blah
The Table And The Chair
Blah blah blah
Nonsense Stories
The Story of the Four Little Children Who Went Round The World
Blah blah blah
The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple
Blah blah blah
Nonsense Cookery
Extract from The Nonsense Gazette, for August, 1870.
“Our readers will be interested in the following communications from our valued and learned contributor, Prof. Bosh, whose labors in the fields of culinary and botanical science are so well known to all the world. The first three articles richly merit to be added to the domestic cookery of every family: those which follow claim the attention of all botanists; and we are happy to be able, through Dr. Bosh’s kindness, to present our readers with illustrations of his discoveries. All the new flowers are found in the Valley of Verrikwier, near the Lake of Oddgrow, and on the summit of the Hill Orfeltugg.”
THREE RECEIPTS FOR DOMESTIC COOKERY.
TO MAKE AN AMBLONGUS PIE.
Take 4 pounds (say 4½ pounds) of fresh Amblongusses, and put them in a small pipkin.
Cover them with water, and boil them for 8 hours incessantly; after which add 2 pints of new milk, and proceed to boil for 4 hours more.
When you have ascertained that the Amblongusses are quite soft, take them out, and place them in a wide pan, taking care to shake them well previously.
Grate some nutmeg over the surface, and cover them carefully with powdered gingerbread, curry-powder, and a sufficient quantity of Cayenne pepper.
Remove the pan into the next room, and place it on the floor. Bring it back again, and let it simmer for three-quarters of an hour. Shake the pan violently till all the Amblongusses have become of a pale purple color.
Then, having prepared the paste, insert the whole carefully; adding at the same time a small pigeon, 2 slices of beef, 4 cauliflowers, and any number of oysters.
Watch patiently till the crust begins to rise, and add a pinch of salt from time to time.
Serve up in a clean dish, and throw the whole out of window as fast as possible.
TO MAKE CRUMBOBBLIOUS CUTLETS.
Procure some strips of beef, and, having cut them into the smallest possible slices, proceed to cut them still smaller,— eight, or perhaps nine times.
When the whole is thus minced, brush it up hastily with a new clothes-brush, and stir round rapidly and capriciously with a salt-spoon or a soup-ladle.
Place the whole in a saucepan, and remove it to a sunny place, —say the roof of the house, if free from sparrows or other birds,— and leave it there for about a week.
At the end of that time add a little lavender, some oil of almonds, and a few herring-bones; and then cover the whole with 4 gallons of clarified Crumbobblious sauce, when it will be ready for use.
Cut it into the shape of ordinary cutlets, and serve up in a clean table-cloth or dinner-napkin.
TO MAKE GOSKY PATTIES.
Take a pig three or four years of age, and tie him by the off hind-leg to a post. Place 5 pounds of currants, 3 of sugar, 2 pecks of peas, 18 roast chestnuts, a candle, and 6 bushels of turnips, within his reach: if he eats these, constantly provide him with more.
Then procure some cream, some slices of Cheshire cheese, 4 quires of foolscap paper, and a packet of black pins. Work the whole into a paste, and spread it out to dry on a sheet of clean brown waterproof linen.
When the paste is perfectly dry, but not before, proceed to beat the pig violently with the handle of a large broom. If he squeals, beat him again.
Visit the paste and beat the pig alternately for some days, and ascertain if, at the end of that period, the whole is about to turn into Gosky Patties.
If it does not then, it never will; and in that case the pig may be let loose, and the whole process may be considered as finished.
Nonsense Botany
Nonsense Alphabets
Alphabet Number One
A
Who seldom stood still,
And who made a nice house
In the side of a hill.
a
Nice little ant!
B
With a binding of blue,
And pictures and stories
For me and for you.
b
Nice little book!
C
Who ran after a rat;
But his courage did fail
When she seized on his tail.
c
Crafty old cat!
D
With spots on his back,
Who lived in the water,
And always said “Quack!”
d
Dear little duck!
E
Stately and wise:
He had tusks and a trunk,
And two queer little eyes.
e
Oh, what funny small eyes!
F
Who was caught in a net;
But he got out again,
And is quite alive yet.
f
Lively young fish!
G
Who was spotted with brown:
When he did not lie still
He walked up and down.
g
Good little goat!
H
Which was all on one side;
Its crown was too high,
And its brim was too wide.
h
Oh, what a hat!
I
So white and so nice,
But which nobody tasted;
And so it was wasted.
i
All that good ice!
J
Who hopped up and down
In the principal street
Of a neighboring town.
j
All through the town!
K
Which flew out of sight,
Above houses so high,
Quite into the sky.
k
Fly away, kite!
L
Which burned all the night,
And lighted the gloom
Of a very dark room.
l
Useful nice light!
M
Which stood on a hill,
And turned round and round
With a loud hummy sound.
m
Useful old mill!
N
Which was thrown in the sea
To catch fish for dinner
For you and for me.
n
Nice little net!
O
So yellow and round:
When it fell off the tree,
It fell down to the ground.
o
Down to the ground!
P
Who was not very big;
But his tail was too curly,
And that made him surly.
p
Cross little pig!
Q
With a very short tail;
And he fed upon corn
In the evening and morn.
q
Quaint little quail!
R
Who had a bad habit
Of eating the flowers
In gardens and bowers.
r
Naughty fat rabbit!
S
Nippity-nee,
To take up the sugar
To put in our tea.
s
Nippity-nee!
T
All yellow and black:
He walked slowly away,
And he never came back.
t
Torty never came back!
U
All polished and bright,
And full of hot water
At noon and at night.
u
Useful old urn!
V
Which stood on a hill,
By the side of a river,
And close to a mill.
v
Nice little villa!
W
With a very long tail,
Whose movements were frantic
Across the Atlantic.
w
Monstrous old whale!
X
Who, more than all Turks, is
Renowned for his fashion
Of fury and passion.
x
Angry old Xerxes!
Y
Which flourished and grew
By a quiet abode
Near the side of a road.
y
Dark little yew!
Z
So shiny and bright,
Which caused you to wink
In the sun’s merry light.
z
Beautiful zinc!
Alphabet Number Two
A
a
A was once an apple-pie,
Pidy,
Widy,
Tidy,
Pidy,
Nice insidy,
Apple-pie!
B
b
B was once a little bear,
Beary,
Wary,
Hairy,
Beary,
Taky cary,
Little bear!
C
c
C was once a little cake,
Caky,
Baky,
Maky,
Caky,
Taky caky,
Little cake!
D
d
D was once a little doll,
Dolly,
Molly,
Polly,
Nolly,
Nursy dolly,
Little doll!
E
e
E was once a little eel,
Eely,
Weely,
Peely,
Eely,
Twirly, tweely,
Little eel!
F
f
F was once a little fish,
Fishy,
Wishy,
Squishy,
Fishy,
In a dishy,
Little fish!
G
g
G was once a little goose,
Goosy,
Moosy,
Boosey,
Goosey,
Waddly-woosy,
Little goose!
H
h
H was once a little hen,
Henny,
Chenny,
Tenny,
Henny.
Eggsy-any,
Little hen?
I
i
I was once a bottle of ink
Inky,
Dinky,
Thinky,
Inky,
Blacky minky,
Bottle of ink!
J
j
J was once a jar of jam,
Jammy,
Mammy,
Clammy,
Jammy,
Sweety, swammy,
Jar of jam!
K
k
K was once a little kite,
Kity,
Whity,
Flighty,
Kity,
Out of sighty,
Little kite!
L
l
L was once a little lark,
Larky,
Marky,
Harky,
Larky,
In the parky,
Little lark!
M
m
M was once a little mouse,
Mousy,
Bousy,
Sousy,
Mousy,
In the housy,
Little mouse!
N
n
A was once a little needle,
Needly,
Tweedly,
Threedly,
Needly,
Wisky, wheedly,
Little needle!
O
o
O was once a little owl,
Owly,
Prowly,
Howly,
Owly,
Browny fowly,
Little owl!
P
p
P was once a little pump,
Pumpy,
Slumpy,
Flumpy,
Pumpy,
Dumpy, thumpy,
Little pump!
Q
q
Q was once a little quail,
Quaily,
Faily,
Daily,
Quaily,
Stumpy-taily,
Little quail!
R
r
R was once a little rose,
Rosy,
Posy,
Nosy,
Rosy,
Blows-y, grows-y,
Little rose!
S
s
S was once a little shrimp,
Shrimpy,
Nimpy,
Flimpy,
Shrimpy.
Jumpy, jimpy,
Little shrimp!
T
t
T was once a little thrush,
Thrushy,
Hushy,
Bushy,
Thrushy,
Flitty, flushy,
Little thrush!
U
u
U was once a little urn,
Urny,
Burny,
Turny,
Urny,
Bubbly, burny,
Little urn!
V
v
V was once a little vine,
Viny,
Winy,
Twiny,
Viny,
Twisty-twiny,
Little vine!
W
w
W was once a whale,
Whaly,
Scaly,
Shaly,
Whaly,
Tumbly-taily,
Mighty whale!
X
x
X was once a great king Xerxes,
Xerxy,
Perxy,
Turxy,
Xerxy,
Linxy, lurxy,
Great King Xerxes!
Y
y
Y was once a little yew,
Yewdy,
Fewdy,
Crudy,
Yewdy,
Growdy, grewdy,
Little yew!
Z
z
Z was once a piece of zinc,
Tinky,
Winky,
Blinky,
Tinky,
Tinkly minky,
Piece of zinc!
Alphabet Number Three
A
Who stole some white tape,
And tied up his toes
In four beautiful bows.
a
Funny old ape!
B
Who slept all the day,
And fluttered about
When the sun went away.
b
Brown little bat!
C
You rode on his hump;
And if you fell off,
You came down such a bump!
c
What a high camel!
D
Who lived in a wood,
With such pretty soft wings,
And so gentle and good!
d
Dear little dove!
E
Who sat on the rocks,
And looked down on the fields
And the-far-away flocks.
e
Beautiful eagle!
F
Made of beautiful stuff;
And when it was used,
It went puffy-puff-puff!
f
Nice little fan!
G
Perfectly red;
To be made into jam,
And eaten with bread.
g
Gooseberry red!
H
Who stood in a stream:
The length of his neck
And his legs was extreme.
h
Long-legged heron!
I
Which stood on a table,
With a nice pen to write with
When we are able.
i
Neat little inkstand!
J
So pretty and white,
With fresh water in it
At morning and night.
j
Nice little jug!
K
Quickly he flew,
So bright and so pretty!—
Green, purple, and blue.
k
Kingfisher blue!
L
So white and so sweet!
To see it and smell it
Was quite a nice treat.
l
Beautiful lily!
M
Who walked round and round;
And he wore a long coat
That came down to the ground.
m
Funny old man!
N
So smooth and so brown!
And when it was ripe,
It fell tumble-dum-down.
n
Nice little nut!
O
Who lived in his shell:
If you let him alone,
He felt perfectly well.
o
Open-mouthed oyster!
P
All red, blue, and green,—
The most beautiful polly
That ever was seen.
p
Poor little polly!
Q
Made into a pen;
But I do not know where,
And I cannot say when.
q
Nice little quill!
R
Rolled up so tight,
Those who saw him ran quickly,
For fear he should bite.
r
Rattlesnake bite!
S
To screw down a box;
And then it was fastened
Without any locks.
s
Valuable screw!
T
Of silver so bright!
When placed on the finger,
It fitted so tight!
t
Nice little thimble!
U
Woolly and warm,
To wear over all
In the snow or the storm.
u
What a nice upper-coat!
V
With a border upon it,
And a ribbon to tie it
All round a pink bonnet.
v
Pretty green veil!
W
Where, in letters of gold,
The hour of the day
You might always behold.
w
Beautiful watch!
X
Who wore on his head
A mighty large turban,
Green, yellow, and red.
x
Look at King Xerxes!
Y
From the land of Thibet:
Except his white tail,
He was all black as jet.
y
Look at the yak!
Z
All striped white and black;
And if he were tame,
You might ride on his back.
z
Pretty striped zebra!